"This is the greatest day in the history of college football"
"I think I might be allergic to the stadium."
Week Two
"When Liquid Paper just won't do..."
"There's no toilet paper and they're already full."
Week Three
Week Four
"Who needs football when we've got Guitar Hero?"
Week Five
"There's always Women's Volleyball."
Week Six
"Karma is an scurrilous lady, Mr. Bean."
Week Seven
"The world's best, number one, non-award winning tailgate - ever."
"I don't think I would stab you with this knife; it would have to be more of a julienne."
"the people are especially delicious..."
Week Eight
"Shoe? I don't need no stinkin' shoe."
"Run you fat man. Run. - okay, you're not really fat - keep running!"
Week Nine
"Did Ohio even dress a punter?"
Week Ten
Week Eleven
"Actually, that's Blair Thomas."
"I can't believe I'm rooting for Illinois."
Week Twelve
"In the grand scheme of things, losing a football game is unfortunate, but maybe not that catastrophic."
Rivalry Week
"He broke his hand? Did they put in the backup? He scored how many touchdowns?"
Championship Week -
"Holy crap, again." (said here, here and, because, yes, I'm one of the people who went to sleep, here).
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