In honor of the bizarro day when everything is supposed to be reversed and/or devil may care, I present - the College Coaches All Star Football Team:
Media Guide -
Quarterback - Not really sure what the recruiters were thinking here- we're easily 20 deep in the Quarterback position - hopefully one or two of them can kick. So, naturally, there is a controversy at starting quarterback - we toyed with the idea of rotating qbs, but that's just too confusing - besides, the guy who was really an advocate of the system, Stevie Spurrier, clammed up after it was announced that he'd be starting.
Backups: oh there are plenty - but Jimmy Tressel is at the top of the heap - although he does insist on wearing a tie under his uniform. Little Ricky Neuheisel has shown a real talent for placing long snaps, so we plan to use him on special teams.
Running backs - We're a little thin on running speed, but we're confident that our fullbacks will pick up the slack. We're also planning to convert a few of those quarterbacks into RBs, as that's where we think they'll be most successful.
At running back we'll start Mack "The Knife" Brown and our starting fullback will be Dan "The Darkness" Hawkins.
As for the offensive line - we're a little Guard heavy, but we're sure that the kids can adjust. Making up the starting line are: Dave Wannstedt, Leslie Miles, Ron "Charming" Prince, Sly Croom and Phil Fulmer (did you know that Phil hopes to be a journalist one day?) - Ralph Friedgen and Mike Sherman (although he'll also be playing defense!) will rotate in, as needed.
Starting at Tight End we have Al Golden and Gary Pinkel, who will be sharing the position.
Wide receiver - now this is an important position, as you know, and we've found that the better you "know the game" the better you play- so our obvious choices for starting wideouts are, Tommy Bowden, Skip Holtz. and flanker, Ty Willingham, will see playing time as well.
Defensive Line: Alfie Groh, Butch "Flick" Davis, Mike Sherman and Doug Martin make up our starting defensive line.
At Linebacker we have Greg Schiano, Kirk Ferentz and Randy Shannon as starters. When we're running a 3 - 4, we shuffle in Gary Patterson.
And our star position - Defensive Backs. The amount of talent at this position is extraordinary - It seems that every kid on our team was a DB - quick little snots who can't really play offense (well) or play up front - but they have a fire in their bellies that you just can't ignore...
At Cornerback we have:
Joey Paterno, senior, who leads the team in career interceptions, (although, he can be overpowered when up against a tight end) shares the field with Urban "Just Call Me Country" Meyer; the ever passionate Dickie Rodriguez will rotate in.
At safety, we'll play Ronny "Redacted" Zook and Pete "Don't call me" Carrol.
On special teams we are, sadly, lacking. we're still working on building up that team.
While the players have had a few problems with clashing egos we're throughly excited about this team's potential
-- Chas Weis, Speech and Drama (class of '78)